Working on Ourselves: The Foundation
Change begins at home, and men and boys need to examine their own behaviors and experiences to learn if they are helping to end violence or helping to continue it. Many men who are not physically violent have used some form of violence—verbal, psychological, or sexual—at some point in their lives. And most men do nothing to stop other men who are abusive to women.
Young and adult men can begin working on themselves by asking such questions as:- How do I treat the people around me—children, partners, coworkers, neighbors?
- Are there ways in which I am controlling or abusive?
- Do I support sexism by laughing at sexist jokes and repeating them?
The exercise What Men Do to Women provides a useful way to think and talk about the work that men need to do on themselves in order to prevent gender-based violence.
This work is not just about self-reflection—it’s about action. The ultimate question is: What are we going to do to change our attitudes and behavior patterns? For concrete suggestions on how men can work on their relationships with women and improve their attitudes toward sex and sexual abuse, see the handout, Thirteen Steps Men Can Take.
For some, self-reflection will bring up painful memories of their own traumatic experiences of violence and abuse; these men will benefit from starting on the healing process.
The following resources will help men heal from their experiences of violence and abuse:
Generation Five provides a list of online resources for male survivor issues.
Tips for working with male survivors of sexual abuse, provided by the Dane County (Wisconsin) Coordinated Community Response on Sexual Assault program.
A good overview is Male Survivors of Sexual Assault by Jonathan Stillerman on the Men Can Stop Rape Web site.
Discussion Board
Share your experiences and learn what others in this community are saying about their self-reflection work.
In Our Own Words
Read what others are saying about how self-reflective work has made them more aware of gender-based violence in their lives.
Go to the next section to read about how men can take action as a bystander.
