How Boys Become Men
Young men—regardless of their background or culture—are learning and practicing masculine roles, trying to understand what it means to be a man. Often, their personal definition doesn’t match the societal definition, and this causes confusion.
Although ideas about gender vary among communities, there are some culturally dominant definitions of masculinity. These messages about how a boy should behave “like a man” are taught and reinforced in both subtle and explicit ways in schools, communities, peer groups, families, the media, and so on.
When a young man is told to “act like a man” it usually means to avoid showing emotion and to be strong, heterosexual, and a successful provider. Boys are also taught that as men, they are entitled to certain privileges vis à vis women. Most alarmingly, young men are encouraged to use violence to “protect their manhood” and are given permission to police or control other young men’s behavior, which may take the form of bullying or gay bashing.
Common Masculine Norms and Negative Consequences for Young Men
Culturally dominant messages about how you prove you are a man can lead to risk-taking behavior. Different types of men—truck drivers, criminals, corporate executives—prove their masculinity in different ways. But in all cases there are similarities in their expectations of women’s services and submission.
| Dominant Masculine Norms | Negative Consequences |
| Strong, daring, and brave |
|
| Provider and protector (of women) |
|
| Heterosexual and sexually active |
|
| Do not show emotions; “boys don’t cry” |
|
| Entitled to privileges and services from women |
|
Reflection Questions
- What messages do boys get about “being a man” in your community or neighborhood?
- Where do these messages come from?
- Which are the most dominant or powerful messages? Why?
- What effects do these messages have on boys as they grow up to be men?
- Whose interests are served by giving boys these messages about “being a man”?
- What are these messages leaving out?
- How can boys be taught to be caring, nurturing, nonviolent, healthy, and safe?
Exercise
Act Like a Man helps you explore messages young men receive when they are told to act like a man.
Go to the next section to read about ways to engage young men.
