Offsides

Adapted from the Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP) Playbook

You’re riding in the back seat of your friend’s car late one afternoon with two other male friends. Some one spots a young woman jogging a few hundred yards ahead and the driver starts to slow down. Your friend in the front seat starts to roll down his window to yell something at her.

What’s he going to say? Will it be something sexual, or is he just going to yell out something stupid? Does it matter? How will this girl feel to hear a group of guys in a car shouting at her? Will she be scared? We’re just a harmless group of guys, but how could she know that? I know girls who jog. I wonder if they ever get harassed by guys in cars....

Can I say something to stop my friend from saying something? Won’t he get ticked off at me? What should I do?

Options

1. I shouldn’t say anything. It’s just harmless fun and speaking up would do more harm than good.
2. Try to change the subject in order to distract my friends and get their attention off of the female jogger.
3. Tell the driver to speed up and say “come on, guys, let’s leave her alone”
4. Don’t say anything right then, but later, tell my friends that I don’t think we should be harassing women like that.
5. Talk to a female friend of mine who jogs and find out how she feels when guys drive by and yell things.
6. Personal Option:

TEACHING OFFSIDES

Background

This scenario presupposes that the students either drive cars or have friends that do. It provides a good opportunity for young men to try to imagine young women’s experience of the public world, and how that differs from men’s. The scenario raises a key question about gendered differences in men’s and women’s lives and consciousness: how could one person’s experience of harmless cruising behavior be another’s experience of street harassment?

Discussion Starters

Does any one here have a sister or girlfriend who jogs? Have you ever talked to her about how she feels when guys in cars yell things at her? Has she ever been scared or intimidated?

When guys yell something at girls out of a car window, what are they trying to accomplish? Who are they trying to impress? The girl? Their friends?

Does a young man have a responsibility to support or defend a woman he doesn’t know and might never meet?

Common Concerns

Some people will argue that some women like this sort of attention. They might even give examples of how young women have responded positively to these types of comments from young men in cars or on the street. You can acknowledge that while some women might like it, the vast majority don’t. In fact, many women feel violated and angry by this sort of unwelcome attention from men.

Some young men will respond defensively to the suggestion that behavior which they consider “normal guy behavior” is being defined as problematic. (The re is a good chance that they’ve never heard a man say there’s something wrong with this sort of behavior.) In this scenario – and others – it is sometimes useful to point out that you’re not saying that men who do these things are bad guys by definition. It’s just that we need to be more aware of how our actions can negatively impact other people.

End the scenario by emphasizing that “typical guy behavior” like yelling at women out of car windows is not just innocent fun. Many women experience it as threatening and a violation, and therefore men with a conscience should not do it and should speak up when others do.