Young Men as Allies in Preventing Violence and Abuse

Written by:
Alan Berkowitz, Peter Jaffe, Dean Peacock, Barri Rosenbluth & Carole Sousa

In the hallway of a public high school, a young man, urged on by his friends, gropes a classmate despite her repeated attempts to push him away. A silent majority of male and female students, uncomfortable but uncertain what to do, pretend not to notice.

In another school, a teacher feels overwhelmed and exhausted after failing to contain an especially disruptive student. She knows he's exposed to ongoing violence at home and is not sure what to do.

At basketball practice, a coach listens with concern as one of his players boasts to his teammates about his sexual exploits and the ways in which he'll "never take no for an answer." He doesn't know what to say and so keeps quiet.

In a school board meeting, parents, teachers and students, who not long ago were locked in confrontations about endemic sexual harassment, celebrate the anniversary of a new dating violence initiative focused on building the capacity of male students to challenge violence against women and girls.

The settings and specifics may change, but the stories remain similar, the landscape familiar. In schools all across the country, every day, young men and boys build relationships based on their notion of what it means to be a "real" man. They make choices that can put others and themselves at risk and contribute to a variety of devastating public health problems, such as teen dating violence, unplanned teen parenthood, and sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV infection. In response, schools and communities across the country are implementing programs that reach out to young men as leaders and allies and that invite them to take up the challenge of ending men's violence against women. This paper argues that young men can play a critical role in constructing a healthier world for women and men, a world free of violence and founded on principles of equity and compassion. The paper argues that schools have a critical role to play in making this happen.

SCHOOLS AND THE IMPACT OF MALE VIOLENCE
Many educators are often surprised when they learn about the extent and impact of violence against school aged girls and the ways in which violence affects what goes on in their schools and classrooms. Fully one in five teenage girls is assaulted by a dating partner at some point during adolescence, and roughly 16-39 percent of adolescent boys admit to having used violence against a dating partner at some point. According to a recent study, girls who experience dating violence are much more likely to engage in other behaviors that contribute to serious health risks and should be of concern to educators. Girls who have experienced such violence are more likely to become pregnant as teenagers, to attempt suicide, to use drugs and alcohol, and to have eating disorders. Despite the severity of the problem, research shows that only 3 to 7 percent of adolescent victims report the abuse to authority figures such as teachers, clergy, or criminal justice personnel.

Youth are not just affected by teen dating violence. Between three to ten million children and adolescents live in the shadow of domestic violence. Research shows that child exposure to domestic violence can have serious negative effects on behavioral, cognitive, and emotional functioning, and is linked with aggressive behaviors, anxiety, depression, and lowered social competence. These effects play themselves out in dramatic ways in classrooms across the country, impeding students' ability to learn and adding untold stress to the already difficult jobs of teachers and administrators.

Yet discussions with staff from schools and violence prevention organizations may reveal reluctance about working in schools to end men's violence. School personnel may feel overwhelmed by the work they already have. And violence prevention advocates may feel that schools are too big and bureaucratic to welcome such work. There may be ambivalence about the effectiveness of prevention efforts or doubt about the possibility of changing boys' behavior. Or there may be flat-out denial in schools of the problem of violence against girls and women.

This paper makes the case that schools have a critical role to play in addressing domestic and dating violence and in getting young men to take a stand against the violence. In so doing, the paper challenges educators and violence prevention advocates to look beyond the obstacles posed by limited resources, labyrinthine school districts, and onerous testing requirements, to focus on the interests and goals educators and violence prevention advocates share.

As authors of this paper and of the case studies that accompany it, we have written from a variety of perspectives; as teachers and former teachers, coaches and school board members, domestic and sexual violence prevention advocates, social workers and policy experts. The process of writing together has allowed us many rich conversations that have informed the ways in which we have subsequently done our work. We hope that this paper and the online discussion that follows it offer similar opportunities to those of you reading it.

The first section of the paper identifies some of the arguments posed by those who are skeptical about school-based prevention efforts and offers a number of responses that make a compelling case for implementing such initiatives. The second section offers strategies for going beyond a focus on individual classrooms to develop comprehensive, integrated initiatives that effect change in a more systemic fashion. The third section identifies key components of effective school-based teen dating violence prevention programs. Finally, the fourth section focuses specifically on working with young men and boys and describes promising practices emerging in this relatively new field.

ACKNOWLEDGING THE CHALLENGES FROM THE OUTSET
If it were easy to develop school-based domestic and sexual violence programs, it would have happened a long time ago. The reactions described above are easily recognizable precisely because they are common and reflect the existence of real challenges that at times appear daunting to both advocates and educators. It is important to acknowledge these challenges up front.

Schools and educators struggle with many competing demands. Prevention advocates understand that the schools face many competing demands that make it difficult for teachers and administrators to take on any additional issues. Advocates understand that schools are currently struggling with budget cuts and personnel lay-offs, and that in this climate educators are likely to be reluctant to take on anything new. Similarly, advocates recognize that educators face reforms focused on standardized tests, forcing them to spend most of their time "teaching to the test" and leaving little room for adding a focus on gender and violence into their already full workload.

Advocates and educators sometimes doubt prevention, especially when it comes to working with young men and boys. Advocates and school personnel alike are sometimes doubtful about the efficacy of prevention strategies, and often appear even more hesitant to engage boys and young men as allies in efforts to prevent domestic and sexual violence. Indeed, simplistic approaches to prevention may engender widespread skepticism often fueled by a punitive "lock-em-up" trend in society. Yet to make progress, educators must believe that prevention of violence against women is possible.

Advocates sometimes feel ill equipped to work in schools. Domestic and sexual violence prevention advocates may themselves be reluctant to invest scarce resources into developing school-based domestic and sexual violence prevention programs. This may reflect the fact that most advocacy organizations have historically served adult women and men and, as a result, may feel ill equipped to work with youth-especially if advocacy organization staff do not reflect the ethnic composition of the school.

COMPELLING REASONS FOR WORKING IN SCHOOLS TO END VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
Given these challenges, how do we promote our vision? How do we convince key stakeholders that schools have a vital role to play in promoting young men's involvement in ending violence against women and girls? Our answers to these questions draw on our own experiences and are also illustrated in the case studies at the end of this paper.

Schools are uniquely positioned to address domestic and dating violence and to promote positive alternatives. Schools offer an opportunity unlike any other for prevention efforts aimed at making teens more aware of violence in relationships and giving them information to help them form healthy relationships. Students already receive many messages about relationships throughout their school experience. Elementary schools help shape students' values and expectations regarding relationships, while middle and high schools provide the setting where students have their first forays into flirting and dating. A school counselor who helps a teen end an abusive relationship or intervenes effectively when a child bullies others demonstrates that hurtful behavior is not acceptable and should be stopped. These lessons contribute to a safe and respectful school climate and shape a child's expectations for healthy relationships later on. A school climate, on the other hand, that is marked by put-downs, name-calling, or physical intimidation is not only unsafe for targeted children, but sends an equally clear message to everyone that abuse is acceptable. Clearly, then, teachers, counselors, nurses, administrators, and other school personnel teach children important lessons through their interactions and by their responses to the hurtful behaviors of others.

Schools influence the social norms regarding gender-based behavior. Gender research suggests that for almost all issues, boys are more concerned with what other boys think and do than with what girls think and do. They look to their peers and men as models for shaping their own behavior as boys. At the same time research also shows that boys are often witness to the abusive behaviors of other boys and are often uncomfortable with these behaviors. School prevention programs can validate this discomfort and help boys express their opposition to abusive behavior when they do witness it. (See, for example, the case studies on Mentors in Violence Prevention and the Social Norms Approach.) Men in school settings can also show their disapproval of abusive and violent behavior, by interrupting it and modeling alternative non-violent approaches. Coaches, for example, can be a powerful change agent in the lives of boys, or can unintentionally reinforce some of the values and behaviors that contribute to the problem.

Prevention is effective and strengthens schools. A growing number of successful programs and case studies, coupled with horrific tragedies in schools, such as the one at Columbine High School, have prompted many teachers, parents, and students to advocate for school-based violence prevention programs. Post-hoc reviews of school tragedies suggest that warning signs such as death threats and extreme bullying behavior were evident but were ignored. Although some schools have responded with more reactive measures, such as security guards and metal detectors, other schools have been much more proactive in developing prevention programs. As these programs have developed, consistent insights about what works have emerged. First, there is widespread recognition that most violence is not random and does not take place between strangers, but instead happens in the context of personal relationships. Thus, many violence prevention programs focus on helping students develop attitudes and skills that are important for healthy relationships. To emphasize how vital this concept is, one program calls itself the "4th R" to convey the message that relationships should get equal billing with reading, writing and arithmetic.

Research indicates that many of these programs have considerable promise as effective tools for preventing violence. The case studies included in this paper highlight some of these programs and their successes. For example, the case study of the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network (GLSEN) illustrates well the significant impact that school-based prevention programs can have on the culture of an entire school, and how they can increase safety from violence for particularly targeted populations. Based on interviews with roughly 2000 students and 700 teachers, GLSEN found that gay and lesbian students in schools with active GLSEN-sponsored Gay Straight Alliances (GSAs) were twice as likely as similar students in schools without GSAs to feel supported by teachers. Students in the schools with GSAs were also almost three times as likely to be open about their sexual orientation. Studies also show that prevention programs can improve other student outcomes, such as school attendance.

Punitive, post-crisis responses will not end violence. Many incidences of violence are never reported to police, and most perpetrators of violence are never arrested. Investing additional resources into the criminal justice system is unlikely to change this. Society could never afford to hire enough police officers, prosecutors, and judges to fully address the problem. And there are unintended negative consequences, particularly to communities of color, of using only criminal justice responses. In the school setting, there is similar concern about punitive "Zero Tolerance" policies. Research shows that such policies are disproportionately leveled against young men of color, who are often unfairly singled out for suspension or expulsion in what some writers have termed the "schools to prison pipeline." Given the fact that punitive approaches have limited effectiveness and unintended negative consequences, violence prevention must be a priority. Schools have both a responsibility to their students and a clear stake in reducing the use of violence.

By engaging young men and boys with their peers and adult mentors, they can be partners in these initiatives and active participants in ending violence against women and girls.

BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS WITH SCHOOLS
"From my perspective as an administrator, a key responsibility is to help create a school environment that is physically and emotionally safe for all students. Doing that means ensuring that students are safe from harassment in any form-physical, verbal, emotional. Harassing behaviors are not born in the workplace. They are born in schools, homes, and communities where such behaviors and attitudes are accepted or tolerated. Schools have a duty to help students learn the importance of respectful behavior." --
Jackie DeFazio, retired high school principal,
AAUW Educational Foundation sexual harassment task
force chair. (Quoted from Harassment-Free Hallways:
How to Stop Sexual Harassment in Schools: A Guide for
Students, Parents, and Teachers, AAUW Educational
Foundation Sexual Harassment Task Force, 2002.

Develop a comprehensive program. The almost thirty-year history of the women's anti-violence movement has taught us that there are no quick fixes in addressing violence against women and girls. Yet, too often school-based work is piecemeal, consisting of one-time classroom presentations or occasional school assemblies-usually in response to a request by a teacher. A review of violence prevention literature shows that one-time approaches are unlikely to have much of a long-term impact on attitudes and behaviors regarding violence. At best, they raise awareness and give students a vocabulary with which to talk about their experiences. At worst, they reinforce the view that violence against women and girls is a peripheral issue that does not deserve serious, long-term attention.

Any efforts to partner with schools and school districts should emphasize the development of long-term, comprehensive programs through community collaborations. These collaborations should include at a minimum advocates, educators, and law enforcement officials. It is important to start with representatives from these groups who have an interest in violence prevention and who understand the inner workings of a school or school district.

Remind educators that domestic and sexual violence prevention programs are consistent with school mandates. The mandate of all school districts is to provide students with an education and to keep them safe. Youth suffering from trauma-whether through witnessing domestic violence, being bullied, or experiencing dating violence-often do poorly in school. Educators deal with the effects of this on a daily basis. Instituting a comprehensive initiative to prevent violence against women and girls can help improve the identification of students exposed to these sources of trauma, and increase appropriate responses to their needs. It can also, over time, increase safety in that particular school. School administrators who understand the impact that violence has on the ability of students to learn and teachers to teach know that violence prevention programs will improve educational outcomes and help reduce teacher burn-out.
Use Data Effectively. Data can be an effective tool to bring together advocates and school personnel in building comprehensive programs. Data can help show the pervasiveness and impact of violence against women and girls, and make the connections between gender roles, young men's violence, and other harmful behaviors. Findings from research can also highlight the effectiveness of prevention programs. Data collected through surveys of students, parents, and faculty can be used to determine staff and parent training needs, for example, and to guide program development and evaluation. Finally, data can reveal the discomfort students feel with violence and their desire to intervene, thus providing important information about actual norms that can be integrated into prevention programs (see, for example, the Social Norms case study).

Build long-term relationships. Educators and advocates involved in this work repeatedly stress the importance of making the most of every contact. Advocates emphasize that every request from a teacher for assistance is an opportunity, not only to do a classroom presentation, but also to learn more about how to advance a more comprehensive approach in the school. The case study of Men Can Stop Rape (at the end of this paper) illustrates the success of the Strength Campaign, due in significant part to partnerships developed over time with individual teachers, school administrators, and school board members. Campaigns like this one may start with a small, informal partnership of an advocate and a concerned teacher, for example, who then identifies who else should join the partnership. Eventually, this group should develop into an advisory board for school-based violence prevention efforts.

Build relationships with other programs. One of the most efficient ways to introduce a comprehensive program that addresses violence against women and girls is to build relationships with already existing school-based programs. This is true both at an individual school level and at the district level. Research shows that teen dating violence and exposure to domestic violence are related to a host of other public health issues. For example, young men who have been exposed to violence at home are at greater risk for substance abuse and mental health problems. Victims of dating violence are at greater risk for teenage pregnancy and eating disorders. Given this overlap between violence and other issues, it makes sense to partner with programs that address these other issues. Many of the programs profiled in the case studies below illustrate the value of such interdisciplinary approaches.

Establish an advisory board or leadership team. Advisory boards can strengthen school-based efforts to prevent violence against women and girls. A team consisting of faculty, administrators, and parents is needed to plan and implement program activities and to build support for them among stakeholder groups. Whenever possible, representatives should be chosen who have an interest in improving the school climate and who have the authority to make decisions. For this reason, it is critical for school leadership to be involved; when working with an individual school, the school principal or assistant principal must be on the leadership team.

The work of the team may proceed slowly at first as members identify school needs, discuss competing priorities, and ultimately agree on an action plan. It is fine for this process to take some time; as it takes time to develop a strong advisory board that will advocate for a plan to sustain a comprehensive program, and not implement programming in a haphazard way. This advisory board should be responsible for examining all aspects of the school environment to identify the steps that must be taken to build an effective violence against women and girls prevention program and create a safe learning environment. This team should also: set short-term and long-term goals for the school and the school district; plan parent education, staff training, and prevention curricula; procure funds; create and implement a school- or district-wide policy on gender-based violence; and maintain relationships with key allies within the school system. For more information about how to set up an advisory board and who such a board should include, please see the Massachusetts Guidelines (weblink here) included in our additional reading section.

Work with state departments of education. In some states, activists, advocates, educators, concerned parents, and students have organized to gain the support of their state department of education. These efforts can lead to changes in school policy and practice across the entire state and can also leverage important state resources that can be used to promote and monitor collaboration. Such efforts are usually initiated through a governor's commission or council on domestic violence and sexual assault or in collaboration with state coalitions against domestic violence and/or sexual assault. The governor can be asked, through the commission, to make recommendations to the board of education to support school-based efforts to engage young men and boys in violence prevention. A directive from the governor and board of education immediately opens school doors to the possibility of establishing and institutionalizing programs. At the same time, it is extremely important to ensure the integrity of a government-sponsored program by keeping women's advocates in a leadership role in the development and implementation of the program. Women's advocates can be included in a working subcommittee of the commission, a subcommittee responsible for overseeing the initiative: hiring program staff, developing policies and materials, and monitoring grant funds.

Advocate for public funding. The success of any initiative is often connected to the availability of sustained funding. One way to advocate for these funds is to ask a battered women's or sexual assault coalition to lobby a state representative to author legislation. To safeguard funds, lobbyists should be cognizant of where in the state budget the funds will sit, and should advocate for funds to be earmarked specifically for school-based programs to prevent gender-based violence. Public funds are typically only allocated to state agencies. If this is the case, identify which state agency will really support the program. It may be that the department of public health houses a women's health unit that would welcome a school-based initiative on teen dating violence. Or there may be a support services unit through the department of education that would welcome a teen dating violence prevention program. Regardless of the department in which the program is placed, advocates must stay involved in the implementation of the program.

COMPONENTS OF AN EFFECTIVE SCHOOL-BASED PROGRAM
They're at it again. He just whacked the books right out of her arms. She's picking them up and it looks like she's about to cry. I hear her apologizing for being late. He's accusing her of cheating. I don't have time for this, the bell for first period is about to ring and I have to prepare to teach my next class. I walk up to the couple. "Please move it along. You're both going to be late for class." As they are about to walk away, I take her aside and ask: "Are you OK?" She steals a look at him. Some unsaid signal passes between them. "Yeah I'll be fine." I let her go, not knowing what else to do.

Develop comprehensive school policies to prohibit gender-based violence. Almost all schools have a Code of Conduct to articulate expectations for behavior. Often this document is clear in its prohibition of physical violence but may fail to address the more common forms of hurtful language and behavior that constitute bullying or harassment. Some school districts have enacted policies to address sexual harassment and other forms of teen dating violence. For instance, Massachusetts has emphasized school-based stay-away orders as an effective tool for ensuring the safety of victims of sexual harassment or dating violence. The harasser may be required to change classes, travel through the building, lockers, or lunch schedules to avoid the victim. When such policies are implemented, it is important that targets of bullying, harassment, or dating violence be protected from retaliation and from further abuse during and after the investigation process.

Integrate violence prevention messages into existing school curricula. Over the years, advocates have struggled with the question of whether to offer stand-alone prevention curricula or whether to integrate violence prevention themes into existing curricula. Stand-alone programs offer the benefit of an explicit focus on domestic and sexual violence and can be written to engage young men to take a stand against these forms of violence. At the same time, few teachers have the time to teach anything beyond their prescribed subject matter, but are willing to integrate prevention messages into already existing curricula. This strategy offers a number of advantages. Because meaningful violence prevention programs address issues of gender, race, and oppression and their connection to violence, they necessarily require going beyond narrow anger management and conflict resolution strategies. They challenge underlying values, attitudes, and behaviors regarding gender, race, and oppression and are, therefore, inherently linked to core subject areas like literature, social studies, and history.

Train staff. In order for teachers to be effective at stopping and preventing violence, they need support from their administrators, and adequate training and materials. School principals must give teachers clear directives to participate in training and to devote time for lesson planning, class work, and coordination with other faculty and agency personnel. Training should help teachers understand the effects of violence and abuse on children, and know what they can do when they witness abusive incidents at school or receive disclosures of abuse. Training can also help familiarize school personnel with available community resources and build the mutual trust and respect necessary for effective partnerships.

Involve parents. Comprehensive programs involve parents at multiple levels. Seminars, meetings, newsletters, and emails can be used to reach parents with information about gender-based violence and the school program in place to prevent it. Teachers can routinely address in parent conferences concerns about a child's peer relationships and help parents understand what they can do to help their child develop healthy relationships at home and at school. School personnel can help families experiencing violence by having agency telephone numbers and brochures available as referrals. Parent groups may be interested in having agency personnel speak about positive discipline, the effects of violence on children, and other topics, including bullying, sexual harassment, and dating violence. These presentations can take place in regularly held parent-teacher forums. Other strategies, such as written materials that are sent home with students or cable access television shows, can be developed to reach parents who do not regularly attend school events. Performance pieces or student-sponsored events for parents can also be effective in disseminating teen dating violence information to parents.

Provide school-based counseling. Children who have been hurt by sexual or domestic violence need specialized counseling to increase their safety and social support. A partnership with a local sexual/domestic violence agency can help a school meet this need. Agency counselors may be able to provide school-based services, including support groups, to help children cope with past abuse, or discussion groups for teenagers on dating relationships. As school counselors continue to face increasing demands, partnerships are more critical than ever to keep children safe and prevent other problem behaviors. School-based groups also offer a unique setting for young men to discuss issues of violence and abuse in their roles as perpetrators, victims and/or bystanders. In the context of a peer support group, boys can let their guard down, talk openly about their experiences of abuse and violence, begin to gain a sense of control over their lives, and learn effective intervention strategies. In this way, groups provide an important early intervention for boys who have begun to use violent or coercive behavior. As an alternative to removing students from school entirely, school-based groups may provide an option that can keep boys in school, where they have the chance to develop healthy attitudes and behaviors.

Invite guest speakers. Guest speakers from local agencies have direct knowledge about the effects of gender-based violence and can share their experiences with students and school personnel. Guest speakers, particularly when they represent diverse groups in the community, demonstrate that violence affects men and women of diverse races, cultures, physical abilities, educational levels, and socioeconomic status. Similarly, their presence in the classroom shows students that many people are actively working to end violence against women and girls. In addition, agency personnel may be able to provide follow-up activities or materials for teachers to use in the classroom in the days or weeks following the presentation.

COMPONENTS OF EFFECTIVE PROGRAMS FOR BOYS
Prevention programs aimed at young men and boys are effective when they are comprehensive, intensive, relevant, and employ positive messages. Schools are the perfect site for comprehensive programs because they can involve teachers, parents, coaches, administrators, and student leaders who can reinforce program messages and engage students in different venues and formats. Effective programs are participatory, interactive, and sustained over time. Once again, school systems provide a perfect site for intensive programs because interventions can be designed in multiple situations over time to emphasize common points and lessons. The Thames Valley District and the Expect Respect programs provide excellent examples of programs that are comprehensive and intensive. These dimensions can be incorporated into programs of any size or scope.

A program that is relevant addresses the concerns and experiences of the participants. The literature on violence prevention is clear that violence is a gendered experience and that programs are more effective for both genders when they are offered separately. When it is not possible to separate boys and girls, it is still important to take into account gender differences and concerns when designing an intervention. Thus, school violence prevention programs for boys must address their concerns and realities. These concerns often center on feelings of blame for the problem, uncertainty about how to act in intimate relationships, misperceptions and myths about peer sexual activity, and fears about what other boys will think of them. Healthy norms in these areas can be encouraged and supported. The Social Norms Approach and the Men Can Stop Rape program are examples of this work.

Evaluations of all-male programs indicate that men are more comfortable, less defensive, and more honest when in all male groups, and are more likely to talk openly than in the presence of women. Single gender groups reveal a diversity of opinions among men, which may not be expressed if women are present. A critical component of violence prevention programs for males is the opportunity to honestly share feelings and concerns about the issue. One practitioner calls this "program process" and suggests that how male programs are conducted is more important than the content they cover. Prevention programs that work with young men may utilize one or more of a number of strategies. including: 1) the development of empathy for victims; 2) learning the meaning of consent; 3) reducing bystander behavior; and 4) re-imagining what it means to be male. These strategies must be adapted in school settings to fit the developmental stage of the students. When mixed gender programs are offered, it is important that facilitators be aware of these issues and concerns relevant to boys. In mixed gender groups it is important to avoid discussions that polarize along gender lines, and to avoid focusing on women's concerns in a way that allows men to blame women for the violence.

CONCLUSION
Exposure to gender-based violence can affect educational, as well as other child well being outcomes. Schools, with their mandate to teach children and keep them safe, have a vested interest in reducing gender-based violence. Schools are an ideal place to address violence because children and youth spend so much time there. School curricula touch on topics that are closely linked to violence, and violence occurs in schools and must be stopped. Partnerships among advocates and educators are critical to this work. There are unique opportunities in schools for adults to model healthy relationships and to interrupt abusive behavior. Work with young men and boys is particularly critical for changing social norms regarding relationships and violence against women. We hope that this paper shows clearly the role schools can play in ending violence against women and girls, and that our comments will spark a lively discussion to move this important work forward.